Naughty Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

Actually, you're not even my neighbor. You're my employer's neighbor. Yes, I work out of his apartment at Andel. Don't go getting any sexy ideas now, as I know you're prone to do. I couldn't help but notice you don't like clothes. Or maybe you just can't afford them. I'm not sure. On second thought, you can obviously afford porn so why couldn't you afford clothes. Or perhaps it's your porn habit (addiction) that is making your wardrobe a little slim these days. In any event, I understand it is probably hot in your apartment. And, after all, it is your very own apartment where you pay rent and are free to roam naked if you like. I too roam naked in my room on hot summer nights. The difference is I don't leave my windows wide open whilst perusing porn. And masturbating. Yes, neighbor, I see you. The whole building sees you. You cannot plead ignorance. It is all too apparent that you want me (no, all of us) to see you. Does this turn you on? Is this some kind of masterbatory aid? I grossly object to being used as masturbation fodder. That is akin to rape. Serial rape even. Considering the whole neighborhood is likely being involved in your slippery shenanigans. Don't you think this is overkill? I mean do you really need the porn and the whole neighborhood to get you off? Perhaps what you really need is a girlfriend. Or just a shag. In the meantime, here are some helpful tips when playing with your dong during summer months: (i) invest in some curtains, or (ii) move your desk and/or computer away from the window. Contrary to your belief, this is not a sexy sight. I am directly across from you and I, too, would like to have my windows open in the summer. Unfortunately, every time I glimpse outside, there you are. One time I saw your roommate/boyfriend walking around the apartment as you sat there jerking off. What's up with that, neighbor? You know what, I don't really even want to know. I just want you to stop. I don't mean stop pleasuring yourself altogether. After all, you're human (I assume). I just want you to stop doing it out in the open. Is that too much to ask?

Signed: an unwilling participant in your sexual excursions.